I Offer Myself for Profit and Relaxation

 Yes, I like bean enchiladas. AND ice cream that freezes my brain.

Nope…don’t have more than six children though. Man, these wanted ads where they post things that people need are just not as lucrative as you’d think. I’d love to be paid for the privilege of people sticking needles into me or whatever, but they all need such specific test subjects that I don’t qualify for a single one.

I thought being the test person for a dry needling course coming to Sydney would be a pretty sweet deal, given how much you see it around the place. And yet…no. It’s not a paid position. Still, at least it’ll give me an evening of quiet contemplation while people learn how to…well, stick needles in me, funnily enough, but this is in a much more relaxing way, is what I’m saying. The needles don’t have anything IN them, is what I’m saying. Nothing but pure, trigger-point goodness, that is. Or so I hope; it IS a course where people will be learning, which means they won’t know going in, which means that they might make mistakes, given that mistakes are the best way to learn…

Hmm, yeah. There could be a few prods and pains involved. Though I guess if I was bothered about pains, I wouldn’t be answering job ads that say ‘TEST SUBJECTS REQUIRED, PAIN AND DISCOMFORT GUARANTEED, TIME WELL-COMPENSATED’. Turned out that you needed to be both pregnant and a natural redhead for that one, and I tick only one such box.

Well, a dry needling course will be a time for reflection, especially since I won’t be learning. My only job is to lie very, very still. I can use that time to rethink my life choices, and maybe the prospect of getting a real job instead of just temp positions that cause pain and discomfort. Though hopefully it’s a really GOOD dry needling course, so good that people are already professionals after they move from dummy to real human trials.