Concert on the Water, What a Pain

Sometimes you just run out of ideas, and this year, I’m all out. The show must go on…but at the moment, it’s looking pretty boring. Short, though. Maybe that’s okay.

Whose idea was it to have a concert in the bay, anyway? I know it’s a hallowed Melbourne tradition, and I think we just passed a century of concerts a few years ago, but really. It’s just silly. Back in the day, they just took out their rowboats and a few violins, and that was it. People gathered, listened to a bit of music and a good time was had by all.

Now it’s a massive deal, so we have to organise all the boats to carry the musicians. I’ve learned more about Melbourne’s outboard motor repair industry in this last year than I have about perhaps any other subject, and I studied music at uni for five years. So if any of my friends ever need their outboard motors serviced, or…you know, that sort of thing, I have all the intel AND the business connections. I don’t own a boat, my family have nothing to do with that sort of thing and none of my friends do either, but I’m sure it’ll come in handy.

Thing is, we basically need a fleet to make this ocean concert work, and all the boats have to be perfectly functioning. For example, if the boat carrying the strings section fails to appear, the opening concerto is basically ruined. Unless they play from their starting position, rally loudly. But as with 99% of musical instruments, just playing loudly will make a horrible sound. Oh, and then there are guitarists wondering where they can plug in their amps, so I have to make sure there are available power-points. Or…generators. Still sorting that one out. Apparently my attention is now being called to where in Melbourne quality anchor winches can be found, because the boat assigned to be transporting the percussion section is missing one. This is about 90% more stressful than it has to be. Maybe next time we’ll just hold the concert on a beach.